Selena is a caregiver to her mother, who was recently diagnosed with stage 3A colon cancer. Growing up in an African American and Jamaican English household, Selena never saw the care she provided as “caregiving”—it was simply expected of her as the eldest daughter. Connecting with other caregivers, however, helped her recognize that the support she provides her mother, along with the daily medication routines she managed for her late father as a child, is indeed a form of caregiving.
When her mother was first diagnosed, Selena, a full-time psychotherapist, traveled to her mother’s home daily to assist with everyday activities and accompanied her to all doctor’s appointments. She did this while processing the grief of learning that her mother had cancer.
Selena’s mother also works full-time, but during her initial treatment, she was unable to work, and her income couldn’t even cover rent. This left Selena responsible for managing both her mother’s care and finances. She doesn’t know what she would have done if she didn’t have savings or a credit card to help her mom cover everyday things such as groceries and an Uber ride. Fortunately, her mother’s current treatment is going well, and she has been able to return to work.
Even with her mother back at work, the financial challenges remain. Selena’s mother was born in London, and though she has lived in the U.S. for many years, as a non-citizen, many resources and supports are not available to her. Selena has struggled to find financial assistance to help her mom. Selena has struggled to find anything to help them financially. She has had to cut back on what she considers “luxuries,” like taking trips or getting her hair done, to make ends meet.
Selena has also struggled to navigate the health system. Although her mother has a social worker, Selena has never been able to connect with them to access information about available resources. Managing insurance and coping with her mother’s treatment side effects has been challenging. Her mother experienced poor health for some time before being diagnosed with cancer, but doctors were unwilling to listen or figure out what was wrong.
Selena is grateful for the connections she has made with other caregivers, whether through support groups or advocacy networks. It is comforting to know she is not facing her challenges alone and that there are others who understand her experience and can offer support.
“Not all resources are available to everyone. When my mom went on leave, it was crumbs compared to what rent is in New York City. I had to take on the financial responsibility of that, along with the case management aspect of her care.”
“One challenge was the time spent doing the background work applying for support or doing the research looking for support. Like I knew my mom had a social worker, but I didn’t know who they were. And I had the oncologist ask them to call me, but they called my mom instead. And of course my mom, who’s going through all of this, is not going to ask for the things she needs – she just says she’s fine. So I never spoke to the social worker, and we barely ever hear from her.”